I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
The air taste purple.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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