My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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