i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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