bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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