people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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