My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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