I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Randomize
