Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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