Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
