Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
