YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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