remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
