Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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