you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
