I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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