how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
