I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
