Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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