Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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