I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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