Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
