I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
