Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
