i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize