alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
