Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
