I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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