So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize