he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
