I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Why did my mother make you get naked?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
