Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
