omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
