tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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