Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
