My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
