they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize