Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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