is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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