I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
