Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
