Dual....:-)
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
