I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize