He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
