I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
