this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Too much gin, very little bucket
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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