I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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