What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
