My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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