; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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