stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
