I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
