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I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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