Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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