Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
