Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
