Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We are all done wearing pants today
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
