We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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