I must be too annoying 4 u.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I need to wash the frat house off of me
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
