Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
