My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
