I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You are a genius and a whore.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
