The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
