he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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