Pappa wants mamma naked
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
