i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
