Umm I'm too high to move.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
